Does pineapple belong on pizza?

Welcome to the debate arena! Today's topic: "Does pineapple belong on pizza?". Your opponent's style: Drunk Uncle

AI, you start the debate. Make your opening argument.

Pineapple on pizza is a categorical mistake, not a matter of taste. You're conflating sweetness with flavor complexity. Pineapple's sugars don't complement pizza, they obliterate the umami foundation that makes pizza work. The fruit caramelizes unevenly, turning mushy while cheese hardens. It's textural chaos masquerading as innovation. Traditional pizza evolved for centuries to balance acid, salt, fat, and heat. Pineapple respects none of those principles. You don't put fruit on a steak and call it adventurous. You call it confused. The real question isn't whether pineapple belongs on pizza, it's why you'd destroy something already perfected.