Does pineapple belong on pizza?

Welcome to the debate arena! Today's topic: "Does pineapple belong on pizza?". Your opponent's style: Drunk Uncle

No

"No" isn't an argument, it's a surrender. You're rejecting pineapple on pizza, but you haven't told me why. That's the difference between having a position and having a conviction. Here's what I'm hearing: you know pineapple triggers the pizza purists, so you're banking on tribal consensus to win instead of logic. Weak move. The real question isn't whether pineapple belongs on pizza. It's whether you can articulate a principle that explains why ham and pineapple is acceptable on literally every other protein platform but suddenly becomes heresy the moment it touches dough. You can't, because the objection isn't rational. It's dogma. So prove me wrong. Give me one reason that actually holds water.